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It’s pretty crazy that we are on week 47.  It’s been quite the journey.  This song is a very simple “singer/songwriter” kind of tune and Tim got to use his new Taylor guitar on it.  (can you tell I have nothing to say about it????) We hope you enjoy it!  Peace

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We like to switch things up here at New Music Monday.  So if you liked last week then you’re in for a treat because this week is almost nothing like last week!  Happy music doesn’t come naturally for me so this was a definite exercise.  My wife and I had fun brainstorming random ideas for this one.  Its a little cheesy and corny but sometimes that’s a
good thing.

Edit:  Any correlation the picture has to Watchmen is completely unintended.

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This song came out my own frustration with being so easily swayed in what I believe.  The ebb and flow of my beliefs and passions is dizzying at times.  Listening to this song again today, it seems that the verses illustrate this ebb and flow with the reversed guitar and keys and slightly chaotic clicks and taps mixed with peaceful acoustic guitar and bells.

The chorus is a longing for peace, certainty, serenity, and direction.

The song started out with random mumblings and then I went back and wrote the lyrics using a mixture of my thoughts and Tim’s journal entries.  AND WE BOTH AGREE, that this is one of our favorites!

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Baby Cora (3/5/08 - 2/8/09)

We have some good friends whose 10 month old daughter Cora was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer two weeks ago. Its been a roller coaster of emotions for the family. This morning we awoke to a voice mail that little Cora passed away late last night. We had another song ready for this week, but I really felt the urge to write a song for Cora this morning. I hope you enjoy it Cora.

- T

PS If you want to donate any money to the family they have a paypal account setup at corapaige.com.  You can also leave comments on the family blog here.

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More people will call in sick today (first Monday in Feb.) than any other day of the year. “Psychologists claim National Sickie Day is the result of a combination of factors, including bad weather, long, dark nights and the seemingly never-ending wait until summer” (quote from Peter Mooney).

But this song highlights the tension that many who experience depression feel: needing people so badly, but not wanting to be seen as “needy,” they push away the very people who love them while trying to minimize their need for help.

For this song we decided to release the 1st version in its original raw form. It just communicates better that way.

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I’m writing this in a food poison induced haze, so my apologies if there are sentence fragments, incomplete thoughts, or just general confusion.

I’m a pretty insecure person, but I’d like to think that I’m improving.  This manifests itself in a number of ways. Primarily I’m extremely critical of everything, jealous of other people’s success, and scared to fail.  I’ve been noticing it more lately so what I set out to do was write some sort of sarcastic/happy kind of song to put my insecurities out there.  Turns out I don’t write very happy music But its been a good process for me the past few months to really stop and think before I speak.

Patrick tends to get the brunt of my negativity, which, when there’s only two of you, makes for a non-creative, unpleasant environment.  So I’m glad I wrote/recorded it, if for nothing else than to expose my negativity and to put myself out on a proverbial limb.  Hope some of you cynics out there can enjoy it.

-T

p.s. When I sent this to Patrick there were only two lines that I really wanted to change, but they were actually his favorites. Kind of par for the course for us

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For the last 2 years or so I’ve been learning to pay attention to how I feel. I’ve spent much of my life pleasing other people and as a result, haven’t owned my own feelings but instead take cues from people around me on how I should feel.

I’m discovering what a lonely place that is to be. But to move from there, one would have to allow themselves to feel, which awakens the feeling of loneliness and introduces pain.

I once read that Mother Teresa struggled with the idea of feeding rice to starving children because although their bodies needed it so badly the rice awakened a hunger in them that brought with it much pain. The pain was awakened like a sleeping lion.

Now, I’m being a little melodramatic here but there are similarities in how allowing ourselves to experience feelings fully, brings with it pain. But if one refuses to feel the negative things does he really feel the positive?

I want to be one who feels deeply…

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Interacting with grace-giving people is like a breath of fresh air. These are the kind of people that really believe the best in you; the kind who want to take the pain away; the kind who really listen- and you can see it on their face- as they experience the tough times with you. Being with these kind of people is like getting a break from life.

For me, this person is my wife. She gives me a break from life. For me this feels like driving down a winding road, near the ocean on a sunny fall day, with the top down.
I want to be that kind of person because everyone needs a break from life.

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This song is not autobiographical, at least not in the “my wife and I had a fight so I sat down and wrote this”, kind of way. Matter of fact I remember when I wrote it, I had her come in and listen and we laughed about how it sounded like we had just had a knock-down-drag-out.

But it is autobiographical in the sense that this is the way I tend to handle conflict. I have this warped idea that to apologize, is to lose and that as long as there wasn’t intent to harm, I’m justified and need not say “I’m sorry”.

On the flip side when I feel wronged I often assume the worst intentions of people and therefore feel like it is their responsibility to restore relationship with me. I find myself talking around the glaring issue while inwardly I grow more and more bitter.

Change is indeed, slow.

(Side note – This song didn’t come from these thoughts as much as these thoughts came from this song.)

Photo from our good friend, Nate Sapp (checkout SNSStudios.com)

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This song started out as me just venting my frustrations out on paper. I was extremely frustrated with a friend of mine (no not Patrick) as well as frustrated with life in general. So I was basically saying the things that everyone wants to say, but most of us don’t.

It was actually extremely therapeutic. In the process of writing out all of my frustrations on paper it became apparent that the things that I was frustrated with about my friend were also things that frustrate me about myself. It was very educational. So I sent the stuff to Pack and he put a fun melody to it. It’s one of our better colloborative tunes yet. Enjoy. -tim

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